If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
