It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you will always have a special place in my vag
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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