Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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