shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
