where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
