I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
