Rock
Scissors
Fuck
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
