i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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