What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
