I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
