Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
