best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
