I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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