Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
