Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
