You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
