I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
