We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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