So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize