i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
