i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
