You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
