you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
