KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
