$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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