love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Randomize
