The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
