Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize