tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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