I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
