"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
