can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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