why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
