please come you make the beer taste better
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
