someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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