we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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