You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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