Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
