Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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