Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize