I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
