Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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