And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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