Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
