It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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