Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize