i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
