I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
