Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize