I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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