Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
