Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
