My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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