the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
