last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
