Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize