News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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