You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
