I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
