i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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