Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
