Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
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