I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
