just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize