don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't deserve a penis
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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